George W Gump - just in time for the Oscars

Here I would let slip
(If I had any in me) scholarship,
And from all learning keep these lines as clear
As Shakespeare's are,
which to our heirs will show,
How far sometimes a mortal man may go
By the dim light of Nature.

- Francis Beaumont

It is of course pedestrian these days to state how average, or even idiotic, Mr. Bush really is (which shall not stop me from doing so). However, let us stop for a moment and consider how far Mr. G.W. Bush has, like Shakespeare (whomever he may be), gone by the dim light of Nature (and several hundred million dollars of Bush crime league money).

Mr. Bush is the Zelig (or the Forrest Gump) of our nation. And, as the Gump in chief, he is a true naif, more suited for observing the world than participating in it. How else can one explain how an average C student from an Ivy League background can morph himself into a rooten' tooten' cowboy from backass Texas? Not acting talent nor dint of effort can explain this. It is a true phenomenon. Ah well, every silver lining has its cloud, though. What has been dangerous about GW Gump is that, unlike in the movies, GW lacks that innate insight into character that the movie innocents possess. If he had such, he would have been positively allergic to the power hungry, money grubbing Republican scum that surround him like hornets around an open soda can.

I mean, really, even a good old patrician sense of superiority would do to separate him from the parvenus who seem to be in charge at the White House (also called Haliburton-DC office). But, somehow GW has liberated himself from his blueblood roots to become a new sort of man, a man who has to struggle to earn a buck, a man who puts his blue jeans on one leg at a time and goes out into the oil fields. Now, it is true that GW has struggled to keep a buck once it was given to him, but losing money on the Texas Rangers Baseball Club is hardly the stuff of T. Boone Pickens-esque legend.

No, the people who should consider bitch slapping the Gump-in-chief for impersonating a president are GW's brother Jeb, who at the very least has gotten his feet wet and his face dirty in the business of politics (I mean, you aren't a real politician until you've fixed your first election) or his father George Bush, Pere, who, as a former director of the CIA, should cringe at the imputation that his son knows better than he how to arrange the intelligence services, or any other lever of government for that matter.
And, it seems that as of the October 2006 elections, the Christian Right might be more sensitive to a faux salt pillar of the earth. We can hope they decide to melt old GW Salt-of-the-earth back into the silver spoon from whence he came.